5 Autism Relationship Tips For Success

By Daniel M. Jones

Dating someone with autism can be difficult for people who are not educated that much on the autism spectrum. It can also be difficult to date somebody with autism because of the varying degree in differences between neurotypical and neurodivergent brains.

Here I’m outlining autism dating tips and dating problems to help you with your dating needs. There are many ways to improve and maintain a healthy relationship, be it romantic or platonic. But a lot of autistic people find it challenging to be in a long term romantic relationship.

Here are some awesome ideas and tips from my proven way of living on the spectrum and having a successful romantic relationship. The main thing is love language, which is a type of communication that the person you are in a relationship with responds best to.

Some people are more connected to words of praise and reassurance through speech. And some people are more connected to tactile touch and reassurance through touch.

One of the biggest questions is always around autism relationships arguments. Arguments are going to happen when two people are living together, but with autism, it is a bit different. This is not to say that autism relationships are impossible and will end; it is to say that when communicating, an autistic person can find it difficult and not understand the flow of the conversation, which could lead to an argument.

Autism and love is a huge debate, but it is simple; yes, autistic people can and will fall in love and are very capable of expressing love. Autistic relationships can be tough at times but the understanding and love can help overcome these unsure issues.

So when thinking “Autistics in Relationships is there hope?” YES of course there is! It is just like any other relationship but taking communication difficulties into account. Remember, when living with an autistic partner, they may have issues flowing with a conversation, so be patient when having to say the same thing a few times over.

Whether it is dating, which is totally achievable, or a marriage that can be happy and healthy, always remember that it is not always the relationship; it is sometimes just a communication issue. Having autism myself, I have been through a lot of these issues that would probably occur from a long-term relationship with somebody with autism. I hope you can relate to these dating tips.

I try every day to make my relationship work; it is always rewarding, as anything that is worth having should be hard work. And my partner feels the same. If you work at a partnership and any relationship, you will have good results. It is just that autistic people have a few different needs than your typical partner.

That being said, I would like to clarify that sometimes people are just people, and autism cannot always be seen as the reason for an issue in a relationship; sometimes this is also human compatibility and/or change in circumstances. However, for the best chance at everything I have covered above, here are 5 autism relationship tips I have listed for success.

Alternative Communication

A huge factor in relationships is knowing how to communicate to your other half with the best and accurate method. Typically, people sit down and talk about issues or anything that may be upsetting them in a relationship. This typical form of interaction of explaining emotions can be so difficult for autistic individuals and could create barriers in a relationship.

However, a more clear approach to explaining feelings and emotions could be writing text messages to each other, using emojis, and/or writing letters to explain things. This allows the autistic person all the time to make sure they are understanding what they want to communicate before actually saying anything, and will give the best chance of getting the message across correctly.

Space

This is such an interesting one. Autistic people, like anyone else, do enjoy some space and alone time, but for autistic people, this is vital to keeping a steady life and avoiding meltdowns. Some typical people would enjoy going away or having a spa weekend; however, this is not the case with most autistic individuals.

Going somewhere new and uncommon to an autistic person would create more anxiety and issues, so the idea here is to have alone quiet time in your own space (home, etc.) without any additional demands of work or family. Doing this will increase calmness and happiness in the person and allow for a stronger and calmer relationship.

Validation

One of the biggest issues autistic people have in life is the lack of validation for how they feel, act, and behave. This starts from being a child, where you have so many demands put on you to behave and act in a neurotypical world. This doesn't change as you grow older; you have increasing demands to behave in a certain way and avoid “embarrassing” behavior.

If an autistic adult is having a meltdown over something that seems trivial, it is important for their partner to understand that this is not trivial to them and to validate their feelings and emotions. Doing this creates a stronger bond and a more open and understanding relationship which fosters a deeper connection.

Listening

The Buddha said, “When we speak, we hear only words we already know, but when we listen, we have the ability to learn something new.” This is a perfect way to explain that in a relationship with an autistic person, both people need to have the time to sit and listen to one another.

Creating an open space where you can sit, talk, and listen to each other is something that is important in all relationships, not just autistic ones. However, autistic people may like to express their thoughts about certain issues or moments that have happened months and weeks ago, but now is the time to talk and process it. Having the ability to listen and understand will create a more meaningful relationship. This also works the other way around, with an autistic partner dedicating time to sit and listen to their partner being crucial to learning about them.

Open About Needs

When people are in relationships, they don’t always talk about their needs and wants as this sometimes comes across as arrogant or selfish. In fact, it is actually super healthy to talk about a person's needs, wants, and expectations in any relationship.

With autistic adults, they will have specific needs, like sensory issues and/or executive function issues around the house, etc. Being completely open and honest about all your specific needs as an autistic person will grant you much more understanding and stress-free living with your partner.